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5.22.2011

Biblical Zombies

The first occurrence of resurrection of the dead in the Bible occurs in I Kings 17:17-22.

In it, Elijah resurrects the dead son of a woman he is staying with.

Elijah is also the only human in the Bible ever to travel to Heaven (in a whirlwind) without dying. See II Kings 2:11.

Elisha, the successor of Elijah, manifests two zombie bears, one of the few wild animals susceptible to zombism. The bears maul some 42 small boys in the town of Bethel. II Kings 2:23-24.

Finally, a dead man accidentally buried in Elisha's tomb is zombified when his body touches Elisha's bones (II Kings 13:20-21). We can be fairly certain Elisha was living dead. A zombie.

The occurrence of zombies late in the Old Testament explains the approximately 400 year chronological gap between the Old and the New Testaments, as much of human kind was fighting zombie hordes and didn't have time to write Biblical stories.

The Romans appear to have gotten things under control around the birth of Jesus, the most famous of the Bible's resurrected dead.

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