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5.20.2011

The Rapture and Subsequent Zombie Apocalypse.

The Rapture probably isn't coming tomorrow. But I could be wrong.

If it does, those of us who are non-Christians or bad Christians will be left behind to face a very serious problem.

ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.

You see, during the Rapture, every human grave EVER will open up. The true Christians will float up to Heaven and be reborn. But the remaining corpses will become walking dead. Satan's minions, if you will. And you will.

Those of us still alive will have to survive this massive onslaught of zombies for the next five (5) months until, as the prophecy has it, God will come destroy the earth entirely and we'll all descend into Hell.

I don't know about you, but I think it is kind of exciting. I've always wanted to fight and kill zombies. I just don't want to become one. So I am fairly well prepared. I have been watching a lot of zombie movies the past couple of years. I have a good supply of water and non-perishable food items. Gun + ammo, check!

I don't live near a cemetery either.

Are you prepared?

Visit the CDC's Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Web Site at emergency.cdc.gov/socialmedia/zombies_blog.asp.

I actually found the zombie survival rules in the film Zombieland very useful, the main one being cardio. I am in good shape to outrun a fast zombie.

It's probably too late for you to get in shape, if you aren't already. But try to get your hands on a decent aluminum baseball bat for a fighting chance against the zombies.

Remember, Jesus wasn't the first zombie who returned from the dead. Lazarus was. Although some people argue that it was a bite from Jesus that turned Lazarus into a zombie. Scientists now think Jesus was one of the rare "carriers" of the virus, who don't get sick and therefore don't convert until after they die. Makes sense, considering the facts as we know them.

OK, have a good Rapture.

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