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11.29.2012

Wholesome Goodness

A while ago, I dated a girl who would probably fit the definition of fundamentalist Christian. She was one of the nicest goodest people I ever met and was a super positive influence on my life. She continues to be, in fact, which is a matter of some consternation to me. Even though we are no longer together, I find myself holding other people to the high standard of wholesome goodness that she set, and few can achieve it. But that's OK. All that matters is that I achieve it, and I am not trying to change anyone else.

So that's the long of the short of it. But today I was reflecting on the positive influence this woman had on my life, and it still confuses me that she always viewed herself as a bad person at heart, a sinner. Like, you literally could not be less of a sinner than this girl. But she was convinced that no matter how good her actions and deeds in life, she was always letting Jesus down and thus a sinner.

I never could relate to that and perhaps that's why we are no longer dating. It's a shame, but not a sin. The end result is that her striving to be as good a person as JC, even though she was, by Biblical definition, failing utterly (the logic goes something like: Jesus is infinitely good. No mortal can ever be infinitely good. The best we can do is accept that Jesus died for our inferior imperfections), it rubbed off on me and made me a significantly better person than I was.

So while she was experiencing the Law of Diminishing Returns in her quest to asymptotically inch closer to the divine standard, and suffering for it mentally, I would say that I probably doubled or tripled my wholesome goodness quotient as a result of her.

That's cool in an objective sense, but kind of sad in that she's the Christian! She's the one who is supposed to feel good about having JC in her life as a guidepost. I am still a total atheist, but now I am 10 times better and happier because of HER devotion to Christ.

Man, this world is not fair.

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